.....The Houdini of Meows. 

There isn't many felines out there that are able to do slight of paw card tricks... hold their breath underwater, disappear with no trace from a confined space, but Tilly can and continues to put the fear into her guardians with her antics of ammmeowzment.

Last week Tilly went missing. Almost 3 nights of absence brought concern, tears and what I am sure unmentionable thoughts.. alas, as the opening of the sentence states, it was "almost" 3 nights. Just like a Jesus puss, Tilly emerged from Finsbury Park RSPCA - somewhat annoyed by the whole account and indeed already deliberating her next disappearing act.

Not even floorboards can stop her from escaping the residence she calls home.... having her cat daddy Andy rip them up and shine a guiding torch light to ensure her safe return... covered in cobwebs and god knows what else, Tilly I am sure looked at Andy with indifference and a certain degree of "aren't you even going to ask how I got in here"?

Tilly is the Houdini of Meows.

Deliciously creative in her escapes, she radiates the inner confidence and pride of a David Blane, but with the 1920's Charm of Gatsby. I for one am impressed by her ability, but somewhat concerned if she ever meet one of my felines, she'd whisk them away on a road of enchantment and wonder... only to leave them to fend for themselves once she realised her Royal Canin doesn't just appear on the side of the road, but by the hands of her guardians Andy and Tess.

Dearest Tilly, 
For the sake of your loving humans, refrain from the slinking out of the house. And though you are now on first name basis with the man that runs the off-license it doesn't mean you are invincible - you should stop sinking the white lightening and jumping into other dimensions... 

Regards
CONL

Grin and Bear It – All Claws, Paws and Purrs

North London is scattered with  kebab shops, off licences… furniture shops you wouldn't be caught in (oh! I'll take a sheet set of lice too please) and bookies. 

North London also, has pristine Georgian homes,  celebrity cemeteries and a bloody great Waitrose on the Holloway Road. I love all these aspects of North London, it's mixed up with so much density and layers that everyone can find something they need or dare I say want!!!

In this instance, I now want "Bear". 

She will have to accept that once I am fixated, I am all about the next squeeze and the swoon of being puurrrred at. By all accounts, Bear likes a chat, a scratch and has a tenancy for mood swings…. Honest to Betsie, it's just like me…All I need to do now is meet her and have her fall for me…. Don't get me wrong…. I am not replacing "secret favourite" puss, nor am I suggesting my own felines fail in the affection/love department…. But why limit yourself to the joys of cat fluff in your mouth and leg rubs? 

The deliciously expressive Bear as you can see is a charismatic – no holds barred lady of the North. No squirrel is to agile, not chicken to cooked…. No illustrated expression to intense. Lets all ask Bear to grin and bare my lust for hugging cats….. She might give me a swift scratch, which is okay – apparently we hurt the one's we love….. 

Kate Moss has nothing on Minka

It's not a given that people love cats, it should be. I often have the debate as to why they have just as much merit as obedient dogs, slippery salamanders and bitching budgies. They can look straight into your soul and rip apart anything that may be lurking.... like Perez Hilton, but without the commercialised blogsite! 

Most cats I have come into contact with of late are svelte, (even under fluff), deliciously curious.... whilst also staying aloof... (except a ginger cat who will remain nameless, who I adore beyond meows, he is a huggy ball of  "awwwwwww cuddles chunky puss") - I believe, these cats would all make wonderful clothes horses in the human world.... especially Minka, who I introduce now.  

Minka, a striking Russian Blue has all the formidable characteristics of a supermodel puss. Great bone structure... dense coat (her own, take that Naomi Campbell) and intensely driving eyes... she is infact, the Kate Moss of the cat world... alas, I think Minka has yet to develop a taste for scruffy and unwashed tomcats that flutter and prowl around Islington. This cat of North London could easily make the cover of World Cats, or dare I even suggest, the packet of a Royal Canin mix? She is the Anna Karina of the cat world..!! Take that Kiera Knightly! 

There is one thing holding Minka back.. and if she did peruse seriously a career in cat modelling... she might have to get herself a catnip addiction or a quick trip to Eastern Europe..... I cannot divulge her hinderance.... but nothing some cat spanks couldn't fix for the interim! ;)

Lip Smacker....

....it's warm in London tonight, it's nice to not shiver whilst fighting for duvet space with my two cats...what is somewhat akin to odd is Lua's lip smacking...he sounds like a 90year old man reading Maxim...as I type this he sits 7ft high on my wardrobe...

Perhaps his planning to let me sleep and then he'll endeavour to jump down on my stomach and start snacking on my face....

Tonight, I call you "The Drys" Puss. Not sure if this is colloquially Australian or not...but "the drys" are what we used to call at the age of 16 after a night out on the goon bags, has my cat been stealing swigs of Coolabah off me??

Naughty puss.

...Swooning in Sleep

For the most of my working days I'm located outside of my flat..in the evenings I'm not staring into the empty glass of wine thinking "finished already" I'm working. And....though its unfortunate I do have this...he has a name...but in this instance...I call him "judgemental, cross eyed puss"...

JCEP didn't appreciate me not showing him attention.. His meow raspy and his clawing sharp and intentional... JCEP wanted outside time...& as I couldn't facilitate he launched onto the shelves and starred at me until....he feel asleep.

Heavy breathing...twitches...JCEP was perhaps planning the best way to avenge my distant behaviour..which he did...by taking up most of my leg space in bed that night!!

Кошки Москве (Cats of Moscow)

As I type this, I am 4 hours by plane from home... 3 hours time difference I believe (it's hard to tell Vlad Putin won't let Russia do daylight savings etc and he isn't even the President!) and in a city of contrasting natures, sights and attitudes... I am in Russia, Moscow actually.



It's a wonderful city.... the ducks (many species) still paddle in the water though icy in part and the dogs, they are all look the same... homeless, fat and wolf like but still look like you could hug them silly... But the cats, oh! the cats are rare to see and for the most part a major part of Russian female life... I have heard about so many cats here and they are all sit snug at home in "Stalin Style" flats and mooch about high on vodka and Russian TV...It has been noted that as I sit here in my Russian office, I am not the only cat loving girl.. Introducing Olga and Natalia who swap cat pictures and even had there own (well Olga does...! Natalia had her dog before she passed) and indeed they are given names and treated with such "awwwwwwness" So I introduce to you too "dirty cat" and "she cat".. this is how it translates...  titles not by myself, but Natalia... Everyone who knows me knows I am a fan of "laser puss's".. so this works on many levels!! They Watch you Work.... 


Снова и из товарищей котенок, люби из России


puss puss..

.....I think I will lay here a while..

A craze yet to hit Blighty (just like the use of crystal meth) Planking is happening all over the world. Last week I saw a picture of Hugh Hefner "planking" on his dining table... honestly, I thought he'd taken to much Viagra and ended up face down due engaging in "The Stranger"* technique...


The Beibs too has been spotted abet somewhat unsuccessfully giving it a horizontal splat..I mean what does a 17 year old raggamuffin know anyways*...ALOT less than my subject of this evening followers....Introducing.........wait for it....

PLONKING PUSS

This cat isn't a "planker" he is as you can see more of a ginger biscuit "Plonker".  Before you all rush with your hundreds of comments I know what plonker colloquially means.. and I don't mean it in that way....how could I.. I haven't meet this puss.. in fact while I am it, I took a request, Here's to you Russell Harrison - here is your beast!! So, PLONKING PUSS is a lovable, uncomplicated meow who spends his days whiskers down, paws strewn at the rear, front paws tucked somewhere I have no idea where... Ehhhh actually, this is a tad disconcerting... Maybe "Plonking Puss" should be "Stranger Puss".....Unless Russell you didn't tell me Jasper (his real meow name) has to use wheels for his front legs pulled by mice... and they are on their break!!