Perch'n Puss

It's a been an inexcusable time since I last uploaded a diddy on here. I could say that I've jet setting on the wings of birds of prey, or deep diving into oceans where sea turtles sing in chorus. This is not the case. It's been taken up with domestic duties, the day to day grind of being gainfully employed and wait for it! My own little angels of fluff.

Where I live (no longer North, but East) we have several felines in the neighbourhood. I have regular garden intruders with their wide eyed glare....admittedly they are more likely fearful than confrontational. We have a ginger cat, who I thought was homeless, alas just like "Affectionate Puss" has a home, is well feed but to lazy to go through his own cat flap.

There is a delicious black cat, he's not around much these days but as Spring approaches, I'm sure he'll raise his whiskers. Now, I've mentioned the above because these mogs are within 4 houses of my own. So when I ventured into the street perpendicular to my own.....it was a whole new community of paws and spiked ears. Staring at me as if to say "ehhhh and who are you"? Now, I'm obviously in the habit of taking pictures of cats....and giving a cheeky pat....so when I spied this dude, he was too good not to inspire an upload to this blog. 

Our meeting was short and sweet as I was off to meet my fellow cat mama (who'll we'll call "Sooks Ma"...) we had a chat, had a scratch and then I whipped out the iPhone. He didn't seem to perturbed and I snapped away until I realised it looked strange....I mean, this isn't Islington and well......our neighbours are all very security conscious. 

I am going to name him "Perch'n Puss" - there he was, just perched on the fence pedestal. It was a conflicting sight as he didn't seem traditionally regal, maybe all knowing....more likely indifference as he's spent his whole life being pattered and cooed upon.

There were so reciprocal head rubs, no purrs....just a slow blinking and what could be described as a "well go on then woman"!!

I am not sure who really benefits when I lunge for a cat, it's more than likely me.....but you all as avid and committed readers have a 3 minute escape into my cat loving world. 

Loving cats is easy.

There is no comparison to be made about whether I "like" cats more than dogs, it's a ridiculous discussion. What I can compare it to is daily interactions with people. Cats behave like people. You annoy them, leave them...adore them and they'll respond the same say a human will. The Egyptians worshipped cats, and it's because they are so more likely to cause plague, famine and would probably be riding with the four men of the apocalypse for all you Christians out there . 

The point I'm trying to make is, pat a cat in the street.....save kittens from your back shed....one day, cats will probably confess that they were "God" all along and it was an in joke that it spelt dog backwards..."gotta give Fido some hope ay"....

    

Affectionate Much Puss? Clapham Carpark Puss

I have 2 cats of my own. Lua, the cross eyed Birman who secretly loves to smooch but won't admit it, and Bettie who is openly needy and displays her insecurities on a minute by minute basis. The way it's always worked is, the more to you show you want someone the more they'll run away..least in the case of my Bettie this isn't true.  Her yearning to be near me, on top of me...me looking at her, her having my undivided attention is paramount to her daily activity... This usually starts at 4:30am. So when Iwoke up  somewhere that wasn't my own home I am usually rested....last night was particularly a heavy sleep that had me being chased into Fawkner Cemetery and cutting my hair short as not to be discovered by the South American hit man following me. That is really for another blog. 

Anyway....I had a CAT FREE sleep. I did however not have a cat free morning. Upon leaving the apartment this little kitty greeted me (after I crooned awwwww wellllooooo puddymeow).. 

She was needy. Strokes lead to desperate meows and a bums raised in the air... Twisting around my legs in Möbius strip fashion, that head butt that obviously cries for a tickle...it was a more aggressive Bettie. 

It grew tiresome that this meow wouldn't keep still for a simple tickle, least Bettie looks like a deer in the headlights most of the time and manages to keep svelte like, with tender trodding never optional but a necessity. 

Congrats Clapham Capark Puss! You brought a little bit of my morning cat nightmares to South London! 

Pâté Pusses

Having arrived in one the most beautiful places I have ever been to in my life, I was texted over lunch that "Rachelle, zere is wee kitties in zere gardourn for you to playz with, zere eh tweo and zere are very queete..."  So it didn't take long for me to finish my salad and rush to the villa that is currently home until Saturday. 

It was an absolute delight when "zere two chats" arrived, coaxed by pate and ham to come closer, I was in squeezable squeals of delight almost constantly...what was surprising was so was everyone else, clambering to feed the cats out pork pâté and anything else we could find on the table. I'm not to one to compete for attention or affection, but this time the inner challenge was on. Pâté Pusses needed to be mine. Alas, I was only able to get a shot of the svelte black pussy chat, the other - a motley tortoiseshell (a short haired "Bear") in very recluse...they do bound together up trees, play by the pool....stalk our pork but mostly just look soooooooo deliciously cute. I have check in luggage on my flight home, I wonder if I have to declare that I have brought back live stock from the continent?

I sincerely hope that the Pâté Pusses let me get to know them, else this blog update is as barren as the sand still in the crouch of my bikini bottoms! 

.....Bowie, Bow to Meow!

.....Currently at the V&A is the Bowie Retrospective. Sadly, I was too busy cleaning the dust out of my life that managed to miss out on grabbing a ticket to see some Star Dust in action. I'm disappointed, but I suppose I'll have to focus on something else...and I have found that something else in the form of a stunning white creature, who'll we'll call Meowness Bowie Puss. 

By all accounts, MBP is one handsome snowflaked devil of a feline. So pure in fur that he could be a member of the Children of God sect without the requirement for bleach.

MBP is currently residing with an official sitter, a Cat Mama who will douse the puss in strokes, sardines and soundtracks to Labyrinth I'm sure.

With emerald and sapphire eyes gleaming my obvious, this feline is a delightful substitute to David. Perhaps if David saw MBP, he himself would offer a place at the V&A exhibition for best lookalike. I don't need to queue for hours, I can just stew into the gem stones abyss of these eyes....

Wonder if MBP has a friend, imagine a Major Tom...

.....The Houdini of Meows. 

There isn't many felines out there that are able to do slight of paw card tricks... hold their breath underwater, disappear with no trace from a confined space, but Tilly can and continues to put the fear into her guardians with her antics of ammmeowzment.

Last week Tilly went missing. Almost 3 nights of absence brought concern, tears and what I am sure unmentionable thoughts.. alas, as the opening of the sentence states, it was "almost" 3 nights. Just like a Jesus puss, Tilly emerged from Finsbury Park RSPCA - somewhat annoyed by the whole account and indeed already deliberating her next disappearing act.

Not even floorboards can stop her from escaping the residence she calls home.... having her cat daddy Andy rip them up and shine a guiding torch light to ensure her safe return... covered in cobwebs and god knows what else, Tilly I am sure looked at Andy with indifference and a certain degree of "aren't you even going to ask how I got in here"?

Tilly is the Houdini of Meows.

Deliciously creative in her escapes, she radiates the inner confidence and pride of a David Blane, but with the 1920's Charm of Gatsby. I for one am impressed by her ability, but somewhat concerned if she ever meet one of my felines, she'd whisk them away on a road of enchantment and wonder... only to leave them to fend for themselves once she realised her Royal Canin doesn't just appear on the side of the road, but by the hands of her guardians Andy and Tess.

Dearest Tilly, 
For the sake of your loving humans, refrain from the slinking out of the house. And though you are now on first name basis with the man that runs the off-license it doesn't mean you are invincible - you should stop sinking the white lightening and jumping into other dimensions... 

Regards
CONL

Grin and Bear It – All Claws, Paws and Purrs

North London is scattered with  kebab shops, off licences… furniture shops you wouldn't be caught in (oh! I'll take a sheet set of lice too please) and bookies. 

North London also, has pristine Georgian homes,  celebrity cemeteries and a bloody great Waitrose on the Holloway Road. I love all these aspects of North London, it's mixed up with so much density and layers that everyone can find something they need or dare I say want!!!

In this instance, I now want "Bear". 

She will have to accept that once I am fixated, I am all about the next squeeze and the swoon of being puurrrred at. By all accounts, Bear likes a chat, a scratch and has a tenancy for mood swings…. Honest to Betsie, it's just like me…All I need to do now is meet her and have her fall for me…. Don't get me wrong…. I am not replacing "secret favourite" puss, nor am I suggesting my own felines fail in the affection/love department…. But why limit yourself to the joys of cat fluff in your mouth and leg rubs? 

The deliciously expressive Bear as you can see is a charismatic – no holds barred lady of the North. No squirrel is to agile, not chicken to cooked…. No illustrated expression to intense. Lets all ask Bear to grin and bare my lust for hugging cats….. She might give me a swift scratch, which is okay – apparently we hurt the one's we love….. 

Kate Moss has nothing on Minka

It's not a given that people love cats, it should be. I often have the debate as to why they have just as much merit as obedient dogs, slippery salamanders and bitching budgies. They can look straight into your soul and rip apart anything that may be lurking.... like Perez Hilton, but without the commercialised blogsite! 

Most cats I have come into contact with of late are svelte, (even under fluff), deliciously curious.... whilst also staying aloof... (except a ginger cat who will remain nameless, who I adore beyond meows, he is a huggy ball of  "awwwwwww cuddles chunky puss") - I believe, these cats would all make wonderful clothes horses in the human world.... especially Minka, who I introduce now.  

Minka, a striking Russian Blue has all the formidable characteristics of a supermodel puss. Great bone structure... dense coat (her own, take that Naomi Campbell) and intensely driving eyes... she is infact, the Kate Moss of the cat world... alas, I think Minka has yet to develop a taste for scruffy and unwashed tomcats that flutter and prowl around Islington. This cat of North London could easily make the cover of World Cats, or dare I even suggest, the packet of a Royal Canin mix? She is the Anna Karina of the cat world..!! Take that Kiera Knightly! 

There is one thing holding Minka back.. and if she did peruse seriously a career in cat modelling... she might have to get herself a catnip addiction or a quick trip to Eastern Europe..... I cannot divulge her hinderance.... but nothing some cat spanks couldn't fix for the interim! ;)

Lip Smacker....

....it's warm in London tonight, it's nice to not shiver whilst fighting for duvet space with my two cats...what is somewhat akin to odd is Lua's lip smacking...he sounds like a 90year old man reading Maxim...as I type this he sits 7ft high on my wardrobe...

Perhaps his planning to let me sleep and then he'll endeavour to jump down on my stomach and start snacking on my face....

Tonight, I call you "The Drys" Puss. Not sure if this is colloquially Australian or not...but "the drys" are what we used to call at the age of 16 after a night out on the goon bags, has my cat been stealing swigs of Coolabah off me??

Naughty puss.

...Swooning in Sleep

For the most of my working days I'm located outside of my flat..in the evenings I'm not staring into the empty glass of wine thinking "finished already" I'm working. And....though its unfortunate I do have this...he has a name...but in this instance...I call him "judgemental, cross eyed puss"...

JCEP didn't appreciate me not showing him attention.. His meow raspy and his clawing sharp and intentional... JCEP wanted outside time...& as I couldn't facilitate he launched onto the shelves and starred at me until....he feel asleep.

Heavy breathing...twitches...JCEP was perhaps planning the best way to avenge my distant behaviour..which he did...by taking up most of my leg space in bed that night!!

Кошки Москве (Cats of Moscow)

As I type this, I am 4 hours by plane from home... 3 hours time difference I believe (it's hard to tell Vlad Putin won't let Russia do daylight savings etc and he isn't even the President!) and in a city of contrasting natures, sights and attitudes... I am in Russia, Moscow actually.



It's a wonderful city.... the ducks (many species) still paddle in the water though icy in part and the dogs, they are all look the same... homeless, fat and wolf like but still look like you could hug them silly... But the cats, oh! the cats are rare to see and for the most part a major part of Russian female life... I have heard about so many cats here and they are all sit snug at home in "Stalin Style" flats and mooch about high on vodka and Russian TV...It has been noted that as I sit here in my Russian office, I am not the only cat loving girl.. Introducing Olga and Natalia who swap cat pictures and even had there own (well Olga does...! Natalia had her dog before she passed) and indeed they are given names and treated with such "awwwwwwness" So I introduce to you too "dirty cat" and "she cat".. this is how it translates...  titles not by myself, but Natalia... Everyone who knows me knows I am a fan of "laser puss's".. so this works on many levels!! They Watch you Work.... 


Снова и из товарищей котенок, люби из России


puss puss..

.....I think I will lay here a while..

A craze yet to hit Blighty (just like the use of crystal meth) Planking is happening all over the world. Last week I saw a picture of Hugh Hefner "planking" on his dining table... honestly, I thought he'd taken to much Viagra and ended up face down due engaging in "The Stranger"* technique...


The Beibs too has been spotted abet somewhat unsuccessfully giving it a horizontal splat..I mean what does a 17 year old raggamuffin know anyways*...ALOT less than my subject of this evening followers....Introducing.........wait for it....

PLONKING PUSS

This cat isn't a "planker" he is as you can see more of a ginger biscuit "Plonker".  Before you all rush with your hundreds of comments I know what plonker colloquially means.. and I don't mean it in that way....how could I.. I haven't meet this puss.. in fact while I am it, I took a request, Here's to you Russell Harrison - here is your beast!! So, PLONKING PUSS is a lovable, uncomplicated meow who spends his days whiskers down, paws strewn at the rear, front paws tucked somewhere I have no idea where... Ehhhh actually, this is a tad disconcerting... Maybe "Plonking Puss" should be "Stranger Puss".....Unless Russell you didn't tell me Jasper (his real meow name) has to use wheels for his front legs pulled by mice... and they are on their break!! 

On Scale, this is Boris

Have you ever seen something from afar and thought "DAM, that's big"... and then stood near it and felt somewhat ripped off at the scale it it. To elaborate I mean the size in actual reality  wasn't that big, just the distance and proportions were not correct.

Well, I have (no suprises) and in this instance it is Boris. I can't give Boris a name because obviously he has one. I know this because of CATBOOK. Yeap, when we moved into our flat we did a search of the local paws and Boris is a neighbour...He ruled the roost, until Lua turned up. Lua is twice his size and with his side kick Bettie, Boris just doesn't stand a chance.. even if Lua and Bettie are not allowed to stalk the fence on their own....

Sorry Boris, you are indeed a handsome puss but when it comes to being the manor's number one meow.. you lose out!! Don't fret, vocally you are the King and may I suggest if you want to taunt the former two sit on the back fence and yoddle your lungs..

And...he ponders.

Ahhhh the life of the Ginger Cat. Often regarded as the more fool hardy and independent of moggies the Ginger Cat does of course, seemingly more than most run across neighbours garden fences, rough house with fellow beasts of the backyards and sing in the evening chorus...All these opportunities are great and I would assume my own little fluffies would be jealous..However there is a big BUT!...What life does the Ginger Cat really want?
Walking to an appointment this morning I crossed the path of who I shall call "Ponder Puss". Looking somewhat forlorn, he gazes out of the first flat window. We catch each other’s  eyes ever so briefly. I begin to think…. “What does he dream of?”  Are his dreams of the day when in December he won’t be forced outdoors..a moment when the over preened Persian from the house behind takes a romantic view on their friendship? Does “Ponder Puss” want not only to have the freedom  he is associated with, but the lapcat nature of indoor cats…

Whatever “Ponder Puss” is thinking about I'm sure it's about something soulful...meaningful...and not at all what we'd think!

Viva Las Kitty and Craps!

I bet you all thought that after New York that Las Vegas would have nothing to offer in the way of felines, Guess What? You are mistaken. As it goes tonight after a loss at the slot machines at The Venetian we tried to find a way  to escape, but we came across..what for it......Venetian Puss..Now Y'all it's too simple a name to call stuffed porcelain cats "venetian puss" so lets go with "WHAT THE HELL CREEPY Masked BEAST Puss".....it really is odd, and now very much on par with  "Eyes Wide Shut" starring the even odder couple at the time Tom and Nicole....I imagine these "puss's" coming alive at night, putting curses on roulette, having group "romance" on the craps tables and to make it even sicker.... laying on your bed as you sleep at The Venetian platting your hair and trying to dress you in frills.... So as a result my recommendation whilst in Vegas is avoid staying at The Venetian.....I suggest you try Hooters, that way the only thing on your bed is the vomit from the night before after a bucket of buffalo wings!

Prison Cats Need to Escape.

What does New York offer that North London doesn't? Well alot you might respond with - and I would agree. This hit the biblical "heart string" home when today we ventured into what has to be crack for pet owners. It was a pet store on Broadway. No dancing bears or wobbly elephants wanting to kill but LOADS of pet treats, beds, grooming tools and now..... now I will tell you.. CATS!!! Yes - real CATS. The saddening aspect to this is that the cats in question where homeless and abandoned pusscats. 

If you dump an animal here the crime (see the word crime) is punishable by one year in prison. TAKE THAT YOU JERKS. However, there were over a dozen cats on display in jail like conditions with a pleading old crone almost throwing cats into the hands of people making cooey noises at them. She didn't approach me but I would assume it was because I already was carrying enough cat paraphernila to know better. 

So may I introduce you to 2 adorable 1 year meows. They're names escape me... so they will be called "Licky Tuxedo Puss" and "TILAM Puss" (take it like a man)... They were just adorable and I could have taken every cat with me.... alas, lets be honest. I am one cat away from smelling like a puss urinenal. Don't judge me....

ps. Does anyone know how to make the font size back to normal on a MacBook?

Lick Me Like you Love it!

Pauly Brown Town.......

It is quite fitting that tonight I add what has to be the ultimate "you have to meet him to love him" cat as my boyfriend and I are departing for a US jaunt for 10 days...When travelling to America, you have to see it to love it. America is great, well... California is and so is New York....(Brooklyn, lets be clear on that and I hear some Southern States are pretty amazing too) and now I love both of those places because I have been there... just as I have "been there" (not in the biblical sense oooooh grose) with PBT.

This cat is breath taking... and he loves a good mooch. Never mind is gangling features or odd shaped face... and he was just a kitten when this was taken and I am sure thsi Havana Brown has grown into a sleeker proportioned puss. I just want to high five PBT and the author of the soon to be "Cats of Collingwood"....

Miss you Both!

French? Maybe just keeping it real in Shoreditch!

 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! this is NOT a cat I have seen, and it saddens me to no end.... My wonderful Boyfriend spotted this puss on his way home from boozing in Old Street.... Apparently this cat was very friendly and if given the chance, said boyfriend would have cat napped... that is not to sleep people.. but to steal.


What an attractive feline. It is kinda bad to give him the name of "Skunk Puss" but.... skunks are so pretty.... so lets call him "Pepe Le Pew' Puss..... Lets hope he doesn't try and sexualise skunks..


What a spectacular addition to Cats of North London!

MMmmmmmmmMmmarmite and MmmmmmmmmMilk

So yes! Look who it is! "Marmite & Milk" Puss just smooching around the Royal Mail letter box, then a pole.... then a scurry away from the camera!.... "RUN MM Puss"..... It;s evident that cats are prevalent in North London.... and there are so many more to be captured and treated as Gods.....Treat your cat like a God - be an Egyptian. 

Night Puss, came out this morning!

Lilac Wine.....

The mornings have been just amazing. No need for leather jackets and only a need for sunglasses and a "can do" walk to the station..It really has been inspiring. So as I was walking this morning I glanced to my right and saw "Marmite and Milk" Puss. I usually see him at night, so to see him this morning was a delight. I think I usually called him "brown tuxedo" puss.. but having a good look at him this morning, he's not brown... but a variety of motled browns... imagine adding milk to marmite.. so now he is "marmite and milk"...  He looked most unimpressed.. but he was standing next to lilacs...they are a bit woofey.

But yes, next time I see you MM.... make sure you greet me with a purrrrrrrr and some toast.

On the Prowl Puss, epic success or failure?

As per my usual walk to work I keep a keen eye out for any felines that are around..I have been disappointed of late and I was beginning to think that winter had sucked them all into a vaccum of laying on the sofa and meowing for extra Dreamies whilst watching Kerry Katona... but no. Last week I saw this. I will call him "Prowl Puss".

Sky Rat was rambling across the road with not a care in the world...unsuspecting Sky Rat has no idea "Prowl Puss" was doing the head down, bum wiggle. I wanted to stay and see how it all ended.... But I pretty much figured that it was going to end in failure. Not suggesting the cat in question is a loser, but after spending all winter on the sofa watching television Prowl Puss is carrying a few extra grams of Dreamies... Plus, with Kerry Katona still running across his brain it was always going to end in an epic fail.